Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
