She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
