Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
