i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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