the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
