I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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