You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
