you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Even my vagina gasped.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
