New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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