Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
