i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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