I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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