I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
