I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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