And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
