I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
