how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
