There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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