All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
