remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She announced her abortion via fbk
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
