i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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