smell my finger.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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