Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you win again, gameday.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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