So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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