I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
