Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
