don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
