I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
