You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
