Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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