I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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