I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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