They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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