You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
