I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
