Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
