Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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