I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
