Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
