we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
