we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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