I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
