On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
