I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
