please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
zippers are such a cool invention
nutella sex= disaster
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
