Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
