that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
