do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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