return my video game
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
