have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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